Workplace Gossip

Workplace Gossip - it thrives in every organization ... Discover how leaders can stop gossip in the workplace its tracks.

Have you ever tried going seven days without talking about another person period? Try it, but don't be surprised if you can't get past the first hour without finding yourself in a conversation about someone else.

Are You Part of The Workplace Gossip Problem?

Try This Exercise

For the next 24 hours do not involve yourself in any conversation about another person unless they are present.

If someone starts to gossip to you about someone (individual or group) then bring the conversation to a halt by saying something like "I'm working on not discussing others unless they are here, so can we talk about something else ..."

You may discover you run out of conversation fairly quickly - you may also be surprised just how much of your interactions revolves around gossiping about others.

When you gossip about another, you are sending a very loud and clear message about you!

People with low self-worth tend to want to find fault with others (in order to make them feel better about themselves).

Think of someone you know who seems to stay away from workplace gossip.

Would you say that that person is fairly secure within their own self?
Is this a person who seems to have a good sense of their own self?
Is this person quite successful?
Do others look upon him or her with high regard and is s/he well liked?
Is this a happy person

Contrast that with a person who is a known workplace gossip.

Does this person seem to constantly try to find fault with others to make him or her look better?
Is this person well liked and trusted?
Does this person give off a vibe of that doesn't feel pleasant?
Do you think this is a happy person?

Most of us intuitively realize that people who are gossips do not have an inner world that is healthy and rich. Do you get that if someone is a workplace gossip it is because they feel insecure and are desperate to find some way of feeling better about themselves.

Workplace Gossip Causes Lack of Trust in a Relationship

If someone is a real gossipmonger others will surely muse over: "I wonder what s/he says about me when I'm not around?" Which of course, leads to the gossiper really not being trusted.

Every great relationship is built upon a foundation of trust, reliability, honour and integrity. As a leader you are responsible for developing healthy relationships, both with your direct reports, your colleagues and your leadership. Involving yourself in workplace gossip is a surefire way to undermine your credibility as a person and as a leader.

So as tempting as it is to talk about others ... STOP IT! It doesn't serve you or them.

Has Gossip in the Workplace Ever Improved Someone's Performance?

A big problem with workplace gossip is that you are telling the wrong person. Invariably you are telling a person who can't improve the performance. Gossiping makes you feel good in the moment, but it doesn't really make the issue go away, does it? Nor does it build powerful performance!

If your workplace is filled with gossip, you can almost guarantee that it is under-performing. Gossip is one of the greatest causes of distrust and consequently under-performance in any business.

In fact when gossiping you are not operating from your higher self (members only ... join today) and then you are not playing a High-Performance game.

A Breakthrough Leader is an individual who accepts responsibility for developing healthy relationships.
The Breakthrough Leader will always go straight to the person with whom they have the issue and discuss it.
The Breakthrough Leader who is truly focused on high performance will want to get the relationship (and the performance) back on track fast.

Breakthrough Leaders Teach Others How To Resolve Issues In A Safe Way

As a Breakthrough Leader, it is not your role to be a sounding board for gossip in the workplace ... nor to solve people's issues for them. Rather, it is your role to coach and guide people to resolve their issues quickly and easily - ensuring they believe in and use their own personal power. You can purchase the ebook "Influence Your Way To Success" (or get it for free if you are a member of the Align-Lead-Inspire Club) in which you discover how to build trust and interact effectively with others.

Allowing People To Complain To You Encourages Under-Performance.

Here is an example of one of the skills you will learn in the "Influence Your Way To Success ebook. (Purchase Influence Your Way to Success or get it free as a member of the Align-Lead-Inspire Club)

Imagine Mary is complaining to you about something Jim has done.

A Breakthrough Leader would ask a question such as: "Are you telling me this so I can coach you in how to work through this problem with Jim, or shall we find him so we can all discuss it together?"

Do this in a supportive way: your intent being to develop the skills within your team so that issues are resolved quickly - not to punish, nor to let issues bubble and fester until they turn into volcanic proportions.

If the person's response is, "No I just want to vent", then your response could be something along the lines of "Look, that doesn't serve you, me or Jim, I'm happy to help you problem solve and work through the issue, but I don't want to get caught up in venting sessions".

When you do this consistently, your people will know that they can trust you. That you won't talk about them unless they are present. It will be one of the greatest acts of leadership that you can do - also one of the most unusual!

There are two things you want to be aware of when listening to workplace gossip:

You are hearing the other person's rule book, (for members only ... join today) their interpretations, prejudices, biases and fears etc. You don't know what other events have passed between Jim and Mary that may have caused Mary to be complaining to you about Jim.
Once you have listened to Mary's gossip, you may now have been contaminated about Jim - even if you didn't want to be. Some part of you may believe the gossip - and you may very well start to look for those negative traits in Jim and find them!

What Type Of Leader and Person Are You?

You will be able to find a lot of well-justified reasons for gossiping (or whatever name you want to call it), however if you are truly dedicated to High-Performance, then ask yourself:

"Is this gossip bringing out the best in me, the best in the person I am gossiping to and the best in the person we are gossiping about?"
"How much more powerful will I be if I speak only with integrity?"
"How much stronger will I lead when I choose to not listen to gossip?"

In the Moment Of Choice (members only ... join today) you need to decide who am I? Am I a Message or a Warning? (members only ... join today)

What To Do When You Find Yourself Involved in Workplace Gossip

Should you find yourself talking negatively about someone else, forgive yourself your humanity - none of us are perfect. However, be mindful to own your part of the story. Maybe you could say something like:

"I know this is unhealthy and I am gossiping, I am stepping out of my integrity but I just need to vent. Can you listen to me and then offer me an alternative viewpoint or help me to develop a strategy so I can raise my concerns with the other person in a more constructive way."

Truthfully though the best advice is: keep your mouth closed until you can find a way to speak about the other person, no matter what they have done, in a way that honors both yourself and the other person.

The question I constantly ask myself when I find I'm fuming about someone is "How would my higher power see this person and what would she do in this moment?"

Admittedly at times that can be very, challenging, particularly if someone has done something that is hurtful or very annoying. However, the definition of unconditional love is to "look through the eyes of your higher source and find the good". It's always there - just sometimes buried underneath the gunk that is life and which causes us to sometimes behave in ways that isn't us being at our best.

Gossip in the Workplace Awareness Activity

How do you justify in your own mind the reason you are discussing someone's behaviour with another person?
How do you respond when someone starts gossiping to you?
What is your intent in gossiping? To bring someone else down, (consequently making you feel superior/better) or to resolve the situation?
How does workplace gossip affect your relationships with others?
What do you think of people who gossip to you? Do you trust them?
As you gossip about another person ask yourself, what poison am I spreading? What will this person now think of the person I am gossiping about?
How do you feel after you have gossiped about someone?
List the reasons why it feels good to gossip about others. Are these reasons like chocolate or chips - feel good but not the healthiest of choices?