Workplace Gossip

Workplace Gossip - it thrives because of you!!

Have you ever tried going seven days without talking about another person period? Try it, but don't be surprised if you can't get past the first hour, without finding yourself in a conversation about someone else.

Try it for the next 24 hours - you may find you run out of conversation fairly quickly - you may also be surprised just how much of your conversation revolves around others.

Workplace Gossip doesn't just stay at work, much of your conversation at home at night with your partner, is probably around people you have issues with. Unfortunately, it is very rare that talking about others (gossip) is for good - more often than not is like a spreading poison.

People with low self-worth tend to find fault with others (in order to make them feel better about themselves) and then gossip about it. When you gossip about another, you are likely to be sending a very loud and clear message about you! The person to whom you are gossiping is learning about your inner feelings and fears, how you view the world and your integrity.

Also consider: once you have finished gossiping with another person, you may each walk away wondering "What does s/he says about me when I am not around?"

You may not even consider it at a conscious level, yet subconsciously, the scent of it will always be there. This doubt about integriy becomes an unspoken elephant (something you are both very aware of but try to pretend isn't there) in your relationship. Your unmentioned elephant is "Can I trust you?".

Every great relationship is built upon a foundation of trust, reliability, honour and integrity. As a leader you are responsible for developing healthy relationships, both with your reports, your colleagues and your leadership. Involving yourself in workplace gossip is a surefire way to undermine your credibility as a person and as a leader.

Have you ever improved someone's performance by gossiping about them?

A big problem with workplace gossip is that you are telling the wrong person. Invariably you are telling a person who can't improve the performance. Gossiping makes you feel good in the moment, but it doesn't really make the issue go away, does it, nor does it build powerful performance.

In fact, you know, both consciously and sub-consciously that gossiping is not a good characteristic and that when you are engaged in workplace gossip you are not playing a High-Performance game.

If you want to be a High-Performance person and be self-responsible for developing healthy relationships, then you will always go to the person with whom you have the issue and discuss it first. If you are truly focused on high performance you will want to get the relationship (and the performance) back on track fast. The quickest way to do that is to go straight to the person with whom you have the problem.

As a High Performance leader, it is not your role to be a sounding board for workplace gossip nor to solve people's issues. Rather, to coach and guide people to resolve their issues quickly and easily - ensuring they believe in and use their own personal power.

You will be able to find a lot of well-justified reasons for gossiping (or whatever name you want to call it), however if you are truly dedicated to High-Performance, then ask yourself:

• "Is this gossip bringing out the best in me, the best in the person I am gossiping to and the best in the person we are gossiping about?"
• "How much more powerful will I be if I speak only with integrity?"
• "How much stronger will I lead when I choose to not listen to gossip?"

Should you find yourself gossiping, forgive yourself your humanity - none of us are perfect - sometimes we just need to vent. If you do find yourself gossiping be mindful to own your part of the story. Maybe you could say something like: "I know this is unhealthy and I am gossiping, I am stepping out of my integrity but I just need to vent. Can you listen to me and then offer me an alternative viewpoint or help me to develop a strategy so I can raise my concerns with the other person in a more constructive way."

Truthfully though the best advice is: keep your mouth closed until you can find a way to speak about the other person, no matter what they have done, in a way that honours both yourself and the other person.

Awareness Activity

1. How do you justify in your own mind the reason you are discussing someone's behaviour with another person?
2. How do you respond when someone starts gossiping to you?
3. What is your intent in gossiping? To bring someone else down, (consequently making you feel superior/better) or to resolve the situation?
4. How does workplace gossip affect your relationships with others?
5. What do you think of people who gossip to you? Do you trust them?
6. As you gossip about another person ask yourself, what poison am I spreading? What will this person now think of the person I am gossiping about?
7. How do you feel after you have gossiped about someone?
8. List the reasons why it feels good to gossip about others

Still want to more Workplace Gossip? Then use the Leadership and Motivation Training Swicki. It's a highly targeted search engine.

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