Thinking verbal abuse in the workplace is no big deal. Make no mistake, it is often one of the major causes of people leaving their organization. Below are the signs and symbols of verbal abuse and what you can do to minimize it.
Signs and Symptoms of Verbal Abuse in the Workplace
Someone consistently has the feeling they aren't good enough. "What's wrong with me. Why does my boss always find fault with what I do ...."
Ignoring or being curt with one person, whilst being friendly and supportive of others. The Manager walks through the workplace, offering jovial good mornings, how are you's, high fives to many of the people there, but walks past several people with little more than an incline of the head.
Belittling or sarcastic remarks passed when initiative taken or a project successfully completed.
Nitpicking and finding mistakes - "I see there's a typing error on page 95 of your report, not really good enough is it? hmmmmm"
A person who holds a position of 'power', keeps controls tight and feels it is their 'right' to put people in their place,.
Talk about people's performance (specifically lack of it) in a public forum.
Set up a meeting time with someone and then while they are speaking, answer emails, send text messages, do paperwork etc.
Not living up to agreements "I'm sorry, I forgot that you wanted it by 2"
Countering any complaints made by saying things like "Nobody else around here seems to have a problem, you're just overly sensitive. Toughen up. Do what I ask and we won't have a problem"
Blaming others for their behavior "Look, if you just did ..xyz.. as I wanted, then I wouldn't have to be like this"
Refusing to discuss issues. "Send me an email, then I'll tell you what to do"
What to do about Verbal Abuse in the Workplace
The caveat here is that you can't change anyone. All you can do is change you and your response to the situation. So that's where we start first ...
Ask yourself: "What am I doing that is enabling this situation?" This will take a good degree of insight and self-honesty. It might be that you are just well - lazy, or ineffective. It might be that you haven't stood up for yourself early enough (maybe it's a pattern that's followed you all your life). Maybe you aren't a team player.
Speak to the person about their behavior. Sometimes this may be all that is needed - the person may not have been aware that their behavior was having such an impact.
If the person is your Manager you may like to have a conversation with him/her that goes something like: "I want to talk about our relationship and how it's impact on my ability to help you and the team achieve our goals. When you .... I end up worrying more about what you have said, than on fixing the problem. I'm working hard to be at the level that you would like and when .... happens I would prefer it if you ...."
Set boundaries and limits. "I'm sorry, but I'll no longer tolerate this way of behaving. The next time I would like you to ..."
Please can you explain to me how you ....(e.g. rolling your eyes at me) is helping you and I to achieve our goals
As the person struggles to keep the power in his/her corner, the abuse may initially escalate. But like all bullies - when confronted by someone with a stronger sense of inner strength and purpose, eventually they take their hostility elsewhere - to an easier target.
If after the first couple of attempts at addressing the person's behavior, if you have an HR Department, you could make a formal complaint.
You may make the decision that this issue is so big that you will remove yourself from the situation. Just remember, that if the cause has been you and you haven't cleared up your part of it, then you go with you. Which means the problem will re-emerge in your new situation. So I strongly urge you to do the work on yourself first, before you take this decision.
However, if the verbal abuse truly is making it a toxic workplace, and you have taken full responsibility for your side of it, then yes your best response is to go.
Blink
Del.icio.us
Digg
Furl
Google
Simpy
Spurl
Technorati
Y! MyWeb