Verbal Abuse in the Workplace

Thinking verbal abuse in the workplace is no big deal. Make no mistake, it is often one of the major causes of people leaving their organization. Below are the signs and symbols of verbal abuse and what you can do to minimize it.

Signs and Symptoms of Verbal Abuse in the Workplace

• Someone consistently has the feeling they aren't good enough. "What's wrong with me. Why does my boss always find fault with what I do ...."
• Ignoring or being curt with one person, whilst being friendly and supportive of others. The Manager walks through the workplace, offering jovial good mornings, how are you's, high fives to many of the people there, but walks past several people with little more than an incline of the head.
• Belittling or sarcastic remarks passed when initiative taken or a project successfully completed.
• Nitpicking and finding mistakes - "I see there's a typing error on page 95 of your report, not really good enough is it? hmmmmm"
• A person who holds a position of 'power', keeps controls tight and feels it is their 'right' to put people in their place,.
• Talk about people's performance (specifically lack of it) in a public forum.
• Set up a meeting time with someone and then while they are speaking, answer emails, send text messages, do paperwork etc.
• Not living up to agreements "I'm sorry, I forgot that you wanted it by 2"
• Countering any complaints made by saying things like "Nobody else around here seems to have a problem, you're just overly sensitive. Toughen up. Do what I ask and we won't have a problem"
• Blaming others for their behavior "Look, if you just did ..xyz.. as I wanted, then I wouldn't have to be like this"
• Refusing to discuss issues. "Send me an email, then I'll tell you what to do"

What to do about Verbal Abuse in the Workplace

One of the first things I teach in "Influence Your Way To Success" is that you can't change anyone. All you can do is change you and your response to the situation. So that's where we start first ...

• Ask yourself: "What am I doing that is enabling this situation?" This will take a good degree of insight and self-honesty. It might be that you are just well - lazy, or ineffective. It might be that you haven't stood up for yourself early enough (maybe it's a pattern that's followed you all your life). Maybe you aren't a team player.
• Speak to the person about their behavior. Sometimes this may be all that is needed - the person may not have been aware that their behavior was having such an impact.
• If the person is your Manager you may like to have a conversation with him/her that goes something like: "I want to talk about our relationship and how it's impact on my ability to help you and the team achieve our goals. When you .... I end up worrying more about what you have said, than on fixing the problem. I'm working hard to be at the level that you would like and when .... happens I would prefer it if you ...."
• Set boundaries and limits. Often times people are either unaware of the impact of their behavior on you or because you haven't set limits they don't respect them. (You can't expect anyone else to respect you if you don't respect yourself to ask for what you want). You don't have to become aggressive ... simply a little more assertive by saying something like: "I'm sorry, but I'll no longer tolerate this way of behaving. The next time I would like you to ..."

• Call People On Their Behavior Often times we let inappropriate behavior slide. This is a mistake. Instead again say you were in a situation in which someone has just rolled their eyes. You can then say something like "Please can you explain to me how you ....(e.g. rolling your eyes at me) is helping you and I to achieve our goals ..."

I highly recommend

You purchase the ebook "Influence Your Way To Success" (or download it for free if you are a member of the Align-Lead-Inspire Club) as it will help you discover the skills you need to firstly stop verbal abuse in the workplace actually occurring and secondly handling it with dignity and grace if it should occur.

What You Can Expect When You Confront Verbal Abuse In The Workplace ...

As the person struggles to keep the power in his/her corner, the abuse may initially escalate. But like all bullies - when confronted by someone with a stronger sense of inner strength and purpose, eventually they take their hostility elsewhere - to an easier target.

If after the first couple of attempts at addressing the person's behavior, you could make a formal complaint either to your HR Department or to another senior leader within your organization if you do not have an HR Department. If the person is the owner of the business then ...

You may make the decision that this issue is so big that you will remove yourself from the situation. Just remember, that if the cause has been you and you haven't cleared up your part of it, then you go with you. Which means the problem will re-emerge in your new situation. So I strongly urge you to do the work on yourself first, before you take this decision.

However, if the verbal abuse truly is making it a toxic workplace, and you have taken full responsibility for your side of it, then yes your best response is to go.