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Self-Talk
Self-talk is your mental evaluation/judgment of your behavior and performance. In other words it is the conversation that goes on in your mind after you have done something.
Your self-talk is built by your thoughts. Apparently we each have 50,000 thoughts per day. (Who is it that measures these things!) Unfortunately for many the vast majority of those 50,000 are repetitive, negative thoughts - focused on the things you should have done, things that went wrong, how you aren't good enough etc.
Each conversation that you have with yourself reinforces in your mind who you are and what you are capable of and, most critically, builds or demolishes your self-esteem and self-worth. As you can see from the self-talk diagram below there is a self-perpetuating cycle which occurs. The degree of your self-acceptance and self-approval dictates the type of conversations you have with yourself. Your inner conversation strengthens your self-worth and consequently governs your performance.  Have you ever done something wrong and then played it over and over in your mind? "How could I have been so stupid, why didn't I keep quiet, why didn't I say ..." The problem is we often times don't just repeat it once or twice we go on and on for weeks and what we are doing is we are recording it like it is happening again. We dwell on all the negative and this then builds a belief of how we are in that situation. If we paint a clear enough picture, fill it with emotion then we end up with Reality. That's a formula for you: You can learn more about affirmations and vizualisations here. Control your self-talk so that it is constructive, uplifting, enriching and enhances your belief about what you can do. When your performance/results are less than you would like, you can set yourself up for future success by changing your self-talk about that event. Don't focus on your limitations or dwell on your fears. Put your energy on focusing on what you do want and who you do want to be. When you recognize you have made a mistake and your performance is less than you would like, your next, critical, step is to address the issue in a 'charge neutral' way - that is just state it like a fact - no judgment or criticism. This one simple technique is guaranteed to improve your personal power and performance enormously. Train yourself to look at situations and experiences with a very pragmatic view. Instead of berating yourself for messing 'IT' up you accept the truth of what you have done (or not done) and ask yourself "What am I going to do differently next time?" This doesn't mean that you ignore your faults or problems, but that you focus on improving them and getting better results. has over your performance. When you were younger you would have been strongly influenced by the way people around you spoke to you and about you. Because they had the 'power' you would have absorbed and probably agreed with the messages/beliefs they gave you. If you were surrounded by people with a high self-esteem and self-worth your regular messages would have been:
Whereas, if people with low self-esteem and low self-worth surrounded you, the messages you regularly received would have been something along the lines of:
Today when you experience negativity, unless you choose to take control, like an automaton your self-talk kicks in "There I go again, I'm no good at that...", "Geez I'm such an idiot...", "I never get it right...", "Why me...", "That comes naturally to others, but not me". If you are unfortunate enough to have someone around you who, because of their own low self-esteem puts you down, it is up to you to make the decision whether to accept or reject their opinion. This doesn't mean ignore all feedback - this is about being discerning about whether this is the 'truth' or whether it is someone else's self-worth talking to you. You don't necessarily have to stand up to that person. It is the conversation that you hold within your mind that is critical. (Of course, as your self-confidence and self-worth builds you will find that you will start to stand up for yourself out-loud as well as internally.) So How Do You Control Your Self-talk?The process itself is actually quite easy; however, it does take discipline. There are three tools that will help you shift your thinking and when you share them with others will help them too.
Organizational Self-TalkOrganizations too have self-talk. Listen to the way people talk as they stand around the coffee machine or lunch area. What are their conversations about? Are they positive and uplifting or ripping and tearing - at each other, other departments, managers etc.Organizations' such as Southwest Airlines, Virgin, Flight Centre, The Body Shop, each have very positive self-talk - one of the reasons that they are some of the most sought after companies in the world, by prospective employees.
Organizations such as these seem to be able to consistently win - whether you are talking about profits or service or the way employees feel about their business. These are not coincidences - these businesses are successful because of the way people within them talk and feel. Contrast that with organizations that you know that vibrate very negative energy. Are they the sort of companies that you want to work in? Are they successful? Many of the people who surround you do not understand the impact of their inner mind chatter on their performance. One of the greatest gifts you can give to others is to help them build their own sense of self-worth, through calling attention to any patterns of negative self-talk that you hear them saying about themselves. For example, say you hear a colleague saying "I'm so completely hopeless at that, I never get it right". You could provide powerful leadership by saying something like "Maybe this isn't one of your strength areas right now, but completely hopeless is probably a bit strong. Look you got this part of it right ... how could you improve on it next time round?" As with your own self-talk it is a matter of stopping the negative and turning it into positive. Quickly negate negative self-talk, and move it to a focus on where you want to head on how to 'make this a better place to be'. As a Leader it is up to you to say things like: "You know, that is how we used to be, but now we are ......" This doesn't mean ignore problems and be pollyannerish, what it does mean is to not permit whingeing and whining, which doesn't move anything or anyone forward. As a leader it is your obligation to hold a strong vision of the future, not of the past. The past is gone, get over it - there is nothing you can do about the past, the only thing you can do is to focus on where you are heading. When you hear people whingeing and being negative, then step in and say "Stop that, we are better than that" then get them focused on what they can do to improve the situation. If you the Leader don't improve your organization's and the individual's self-talk then who will? Growth Opportunity
 Steps of Positive Thinking Affirmations and Visualization Optimism vs Pessimism
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How to Build Self-esteem Steps of Positive Thinking Affirmations and Visualization Optimism vs Pessimism
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