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Careful Your Self-Esteem May Be Showing!
Steve had several people reporting to him and his business unit was performing pretty well. In fact, Steve was fairly confident that he would receive a promotion within the next six months. This was a particularly busy time for Steve's team with several major projects on the horizon. A vacancy in his team had come up, and it was important to fill it quickly. Steve needed someone that he could depend upon, who had proven success at project management. Steve thought he knew just the man for the job - Pierre - a fellow he had worked with at his previous company. Pierre had always been a good solid performer, if somewhat lacking in self-confidence. But he had never let Steve down and Steve felt that this job would be just the right stepping stone for Pierre's career. Certainly the job was bigger than the one Pierre was currently in, but Steve was certain that Pierre would be up for the challenge, particularly with his support and guidance as Pierre's leader. So Steve approached Pierre and asked him to apply for the role. During the selection process several of the recruiters spoke to Steve about their concerns at Pierre's seeming lack of confidence. Each time, Steve brushed aside their concerns with a "Trust me, Pierre will be fine, he's a great performer, he's solid, reliable and can be counted upon". Eventually Pierre was offered the role. Given the pressures they were under Steve and his team were keen for Pierre to start within the month. But that wasn't to be. There was a two month delay whilst Pierre tidied up some personal issues. Steve assured his team, that even though it was longer than they'd like the delay would be worth it as Pierre was terrific. The day before Pierre was due to start, Steve received a phone call: "Look mate, I'm sorry, but I don't think this job is right for me. I've given it a lot of thought and I don't think I can do it. Sorry to let you down, I know you went out on a limb for me". Steve was aghast. Thoughts raced through his mind like speeding bullets, each thought was like a knife stabbing him:
Oops, excuse me sir but your self-esteem is showing! In that moment Steve's focus was completely on his own needs and certainly not on where Pierre was at. And her certainly wasn't being the greatest of leaders. We've all had moments similar to this. Moments when, because of your very association with a person, you've felt embarrassed or ashamed because the other person's actions (you feel) reflect badly on you. (Ever seen a parent in a supermarket trying to deal with a child having a hissy fit?). Psychology tells us that self-esteem is based in part on the values and opinions of others, your life experiences and the social comparisons that you make. When you are concerned about what 'they' will think, you are showing in flying colours exactly how high/low your self-esteem is. You build or demolish your self-esteem through your reference groups. These are the groups/people that you compare yourself against and the groups/people that you associate with. You perceive yourself as either better than or worse than others (known as upward or downward social comparisons). As a leader, there has been, and no doubt will be many more, times when people you rely upon let you down or goof up. It is a measure of your self-esteem as to how you handle the event. A person with low self-esteem will be highly concerned about the opinions of their reference group and less concerned about the person who has made the mistake. Consequently if someone goofs up you are more likely to have a volatile reaction. You're probably going to be more focused on your own needs, and desires to look good than the needs of the person/(s) whose actions you're embarrassed by. With Steve's first thoughts travelling to what others would say and their impressions of him and his angry response to Pierre you could possible guess that his self-esteem needs some more work. With higher self-esteem, Steve's response might be more along the lines of disappointment at Pierre's decision. Instead of focusing on his own disappointment he would have worked to understand and support Pierre. Rather than spending time attempting to 'save face' and being caught up in the negative emotions of anger and embarrassment, he might have quickly moved into problem solving. In fact, he may have been able to work with Pierre to understand what caused him to have wobbly feet, and may have even been able to help him overcome his fears and begin the new job! Improved Self-esteem leads to breakthrough leadership When you do the inner work of strengthening your inner world, having an internal confidence and certainty about who you are as a person, you will find that your leadership with become far more graceful and heartfelt. You lead more meaningfully and authentically, releasing the potential of not only yourself but also the people who surround you. Leave Self-Esteem and go to the Leadership Articles Directory  Steps of Positive Thinking Affirmations and Visualization Optimism vs Pessimism Self-talk Locus of Control Building Self-Efficacy Sense of Acceptance and Belonging
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