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How To Build Self-EsteemA Gallup poll showed that two in three people have low self-esteem. So, if you were sitting in a room full of people and looked at the person on your left, then the one on your right and only one of you is okay!
Go here for a quick definition of self-esteem
When would you know you are in the presence of a low self-esteem person? Successful people sometimes show a faaçde of self-confidence when in fact they aren't really convinced of their own value or competence. Do you know anyone who
If you do then, you are probably dealing with someone with some self-esteem issues. Self-esteem is built by four factors:
People with low self-esteem, play the low risk game. In meetings low self-esteem people are afraid to speak up - they are concerned it might be a bad idea or that they may look foolish. Have you heard the saying "Better to remain silent and have people think you are a fool than to open mouth and remove all doubt!" People with low self-esteem hold on to their chips - afraid to participate.
Poker, Anyone?
People who participate get success. Those who sit back can loose out. Have you ever sat in a meeting with a great idea, but didn't say anything - then someone came up with it a few minutes later and they got all sorts of credit for it?
Most people know the game poker. Imagine that say you and I are both equally gifted at playing poker and we each have a number of chips. Lets say you have 100 chips and I have 10 chips. Remember we both have the same skills - we know the technical aspects of the game, we both know how to read the other players body language. Who is likely to play more cautiously? Me. Why? Because the risk to me is much higher - my bank account is much more depleted than yours.  This is how we go through the game of life. People with high self-esteem play high. (They don't see it that way though). At seminars they sit right up in the front row - pick on me - if I goof up it doesn't matter - I've got another 98 self-esteem chips sitting in my pocket. When is the ideal time to start building self-esteem? Now! No matter how old you are. A psychologist in the US hypnotized a 3.5 year old girl and took her as far back in her memory as she was able. The first thing she remembered was the day she was born. How many people there were in the room, how cold the scale was when they put her on it, the clothes people were wearing and so forth. Another experiment was conducted on an eight months pregnant woman. A heart monitor was placed on the baby and the Mother asked to read a script. "I can't wait for this baby to arrive, we are so excited, we have decorated the room and it just looks gorgeous for the baby. We just can't wait". The baby's heart rate went up by 8 beats per minute. A few days later they got her to read another script. This time she said "This is not a good time for us to have this baby, my career is just taking off and now is a bad time for me to take time out off work. I don't want to quit. Having this child is really awkward. I'm not sure I really want it." The baby's heartbeat went down by 8 beats/minute. In effect the baby was trying to die. So we can build self-esteem right from the time we know a baby is coming. Self-acceptance is an essential component of high self-esteem. That doesn't mean that you accept your faults and are proud of them, but you can experience the truth of who you are at the moment without feeling shame or guilt. Self-acceptance means that you refuse to beat yourself up. Will you become a better swimmer by reading about it? No, you need to go out and practice. Same with self-esteem. You need to take action. Action One: Building Self-Efficacy Take a minute in the morning and recall a few of the successes you have had - it may be something small or something big - getting your drivers licence, a badge at girl guides, getting your current job - bring into your awareness the feelings you felt then. Bring them up in your body. Now you can take that feeling out with you through the day. Action Two: Building Locus of Control The last half hour before you go to bed is critical. You are more receptive to messages than at any other time during the day. Science tells us that when we go to sleep our conscious mind clicks off and our subconscious mind clicks on. And so our subconscious entertains itself for the rest of the evening. Our brain is almost like an i-pod that records absolutely everything we have ever felt, done, experienced, learnt, said never to be lost. So while we are asleep our subconscious flicks from one recording to another. It might pull one out from a few months ago, then flicks over to one from a few years ago - back and forth back and forth. Studies have also shown us is that we go over what we recorded during the day 3-5 times during our sleep that night. But this is the really exciting part - what we did in our last 30 minutes we replay 15-17 times during the night. Unfortunately 95% of kids today watch t.v. before they go to bed - what are the images they are bringing into their sub-conscious each night? How are you spending your last half hour at night? Affirmations, prayer, reading uplifting works, journaling, meditating. Create a positive experience before you go to bed. Action Three: Building Self-Talk This exercise will probably feel very uncomfortable, and if you have a partner you will probably need to tell them what you are doing and why. Go to your mirror and look yourself in the eye - now hold eye contact - no looking away. Acknowledge everything you did that day - got up on time, ate a healthy breakfast, played with the kids, loved my wife and so on. Then, and this is important: say to yourself "I just wanted to let you know that I love you." The first few times that you do this, you may feel silly, numb, giggle, cry, go blank. We are doing something against traditional conditioning. This is where this whole concept of being humble is being challenged. Being humble is a negative self-esteem act. In 3-4 days you will drop to another level within yourself. It is kind of a weird feeling it is almost like you have developed a crush on yourself. And as we knowing being humble is taboo. When you love yourself, you will produce more, you will become more creative, playful and joyful. Give yourself permission to love yourself. You may also wish to begin making Affirmations Action Four: (Building Belonging and Acceptance) (for parents)
For parents who want to build their children's self-esteem. Have two photos right beside your child's bed that are the last things they see at night and the first thing in the morning. One photo is of them doing something that makes them really happy where they are laughing and being successful. The photo says: "I am accomplished." The other photo is of their family. This gives them a sense of belonging. Both are important elements in building self-esteem. How Self-Esteem Shows Itself in the Workplace  Steps of Positive Thinking Affirmations and Visualization Optimism vs Pessimism Self-talk Locus of Control Building Self-Efficacy Sense of Acceptance and Belonging
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