How To Build Self Esteem

Discover how to build self esteem - both your own and others - so that you can fast-track your success.

A Gallup poll showed that two in three people have low self-esteem. So, if you were sitting in a room full of people and looked at the person on your left, then the one on your right and only one of you is okay!

Go here for a quick definition of self-esteem

Before we delve into how to build self esteem let's first take a look at the characteristics of someone with high self esteem. They:

• enjoy their lives
• are likely to be a greater risk taker
• have plenty of enthusiasm
• have a strong sense of purpose
• seem to be able to be and do what they want
• make clear choices about how they want to live
• use their talents, skills and abilities in a balanced, harmonious way
• value themselves and others for who they are not just what they do
• are not easily offended or insulted
• are grateful for what comes their way
• readily admit to their faults and focus-forward
• bring out the best in others (they aren't threatened by others)
• on the whole they like themselves and they like other people.

One more sidetrack before we learn how to build self esteem. Let's take a quick look at the characteristics of a person with a low sense of self - because sometimes it can be tricky to identify them. People sometimes show a faaçde of self-confidence when in fact they aren't really convinced of their own value or competence. Do you know anyone who

• feels threatened by change
• is easily offended
• has little or no value for themselves or others
• doesn't like to see others succeed
• doesn't like to take risks
• gossips and puts others down ('Who does she think she is to ...')
• is fearful of people with high self-esteem
• tries to control other people - afraid to let things unfold naturally
• will not go for big goals
• is a master at pointing out all the faults, flaws and incompetence of those around them
• will kill other people's self-esteem to raise their own
• rips apart other people's hopes, ambitions, dreams etc.
• takes everything as an insult
• denies any mistakes they have made and blame others for it
• frets, fumes and fly into rages, sometimes even plotting revenge and retaliation

If you do then, you are probably dealing with someone with some self-esteem issues.

Here's How To Build Self Esteem. Self-esteem is raised by four factors:

1. Internal Locus of Control
2. Sense of Acceptance and Belonging
3. Self-Efficacy
4. Self-Talk

People With Low Self-esteem, Play A Low Risk Game.

In meetings, people with a low sense of self, are afraid to speak up - they are concerned it might be a bad idea or that they may look foolish. Have you heard the saying "Better to remain silent and have people think you are a fool than to open mouth and remove all doubt!" People with low self-worth hold on to their chips - afraid to participate.

People who participate get success. Those who sit back can loose out. Have you ever sat in a meeting with a great idea, but didn't say anything - then someone came up with it a few minutes later and they got all sorts of credit for it?

When Is The Ideal Time To Start? How To Build Self Esteem in the Womb!

Now! No matter how old you are.

A psychologist in the US hypnotized a 3.5 year old girl and took her as far back in her memory as she was able. The first thing she remembered was the day she was born. How many people there were in the room, how cold the scale was when they put her on it, the clothes people were wearing and so forth.

Another experiment was conducted on an eight months pregnant woman. A heart monitor was placed on the baby and the Mother asked to read a script. "I can't wait for this baby to arrive, we are so excited, we have decorated the room and it just looks gorgeous for the baby. We just can't wait". The baby's heart rate went up by 8 beats per minute.

A few days later they got her to read another script. This time she said "This is not a good time for us to have this baby, my career is just taking off and now is a bad time for me to take time out off work. I don't want to quit. Having this child is really awkward. I'm not sure I really want it." The baby's heartbeat went down by 8 beats/minute. In effect the baby was trying to die. So we can build self-esteem right from the time we know a baby is coming.

Self-acceptance is an essential component of high self-esteem. That doesn't mean that you accept your faults and are proud of them, but you can experience the truth of who you are at the moment without feeling shame or guilt.

Self-acceptance means that you refuse to beat yourself up.

Will you become a better swimmer by reading about it? Yes and No. Certainly visualizing and affirmations are critical, however, at some point you need to get out and take inspired action ... you need to go out and practice. Same with self-esteem. You need to take action.

How To Build Self Esteem - Action One: Building Self-Efficacy

Take a minute in the morning and recall a few of the successes you have had - it may be something small or something big - getting your drivers licence, a badge at girl guides, getting your current job - bring into your awareness the feelings you felt then. Bring them up in your body. Now you can take that feeling out with you through the day.

How To Build Self Esteem - Action Two: Building Locus of Control

The last half hour before you go to bed is critical. You are more receptive to messages than at any other time during the day. Science tells us that when we go to sleep our conscious mind clicks off and our subconscious mind clicks on. And so our subconscious entertains itself for the rest of the evening. Our brain is almost like an i-pod that records absolutely everything we have ever felt, done, experienced, learnt, said never to be lost.

So while we are asleep our subconscious flicks from one recording to another. It might pull one out from a few months ago, then flicks over to one from a few years ago - back and forth back and forth. Studies have also shown us is that we go over what we recorded during the day 3-5 times during our sleep that night. But this is the really exciting part - what we did in our last 30 minutes we replay 15-17 times during the night.

Unfortunately 95% of kids today watch t.v. before they go to bed - what are the images they are bringing into their sub-conscious each night?

How are you spending your last half hour at night? Affirmations, prayer, reading uplifting works, journaling, meditating. Create a positive experience before you go to bed.

How To Build Self Esteem - Action Three: Building Self-Talk

This exercise will probably feel very uncomfortable, and if you have a partner you will probably need to tell them what you are doing and why. Go to your mirror and look yourself in the eye - now hold eye contact - no looking away. Acknowledge everything you did that day - got up on time, ate a healthy breakfast, played with the kids, loved my wife and so on. Then, and this is important: say to yourself "I just wanted to let you know that I love you."

The first few times that you do this, you may feel silly, numb, giggle, cry, go blank. We are doing something against traditional conditioning. This is where this whole concept of being humble is being challenged. Being humble is a negative self-esteem act.

In 3-4 days you will drop to another level within yourself. It is kind of a weird feeling it is almost like you have developed a crush on yourself. And as we knowing being humble is taboo. When you love yourself, you will produce more, you will become more creative, playful and joyful. Give yourself permission to love yourself.

You may also wish to begin making Affirmations

How To Build Self Esteem - Action Four: (Building Belonging and Acceptance)

(Really important for parents)

For parents who want to build their children's self-esteem. Have two photos right beside your child's bed that are the last things they see at night and the first thing in the morning. One photo is of them doing something that makes them really happy where they are laughing and being successful. The photo says: "I am accomplished." The other photo is of their family. This gives them a sense of belonging. Both are important elements in building self-esteem.

How To Build Self Esteem - In Conclusion ...

Having high self-esteem doesn't mean you feel great every single minute of every single day. If you've messed up, it is appropriate that you feel remorse or regret. But how long you do that and what you do about it is the critical part. Dwelling on the mess or dwelling on the forward position - the choice is yours. The higher your self-esteem the quicker you will dust yourself off and get on with it.

So if you do truly want to be a High Performance Leader, you need to ensure that your self-talk is heading you toward being a high self-esteem person. If the recording you constantly play to yourself is one of ripping and tearing and pulling yourself down, then you need to STOP IT.

If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for those around you - your colleagues and most importantly your family. If your self-esteem is low, with every snide, teasing comment you make you will bring everyone down with you - and I know that isn't who you want to be otherwise you wouldn't have made it to the bottom of how to build self esteem!